Turn the page.

Life. Business. Art. The economy. Everything. Let's get this story going! I feel as if I'm stuck on a single page of a book, forced to read and re-read it again and again. Nothing moves. Nothing goes forward. Talk. Talk. Talk and I'm tired of it. Every single day something bad happens and I have to find a way to deal with it. It's only 12:28PM as I type this and "its" already here. The funny thing is that it's always a surprise. You'd think that I'd be used to being constantly blind-sided and yet I'm not. Am I so much of an optimist that I cannot imagine happening what happens every single day? I am always looking for that "door". That light at the end of the tunnel. That bit that will come and turn the page to something new. Something different. This hope? Is it a bad thing to have? I'm beginning to think so. The constant "knock-down" is getting old. Everything is getting old. No questions get answered. No plans come to fruition.

Yup. I'm feeling negative and I'm feeling pessimistic. I'm finding myself angry at my optimistic side. It only seems to lead to disappointment and frustration. Is anything good happening in my life right now? Yes. I guess so. Maybe a lot. I don't really know. My pessimism seems to be ruling my day. Week. Month. Year(s). Life. Right now anyway.

The thing is that I cannot seem to get across the real seriousness of what "some" people continually do to me and how it effects me. Either I am terrible at letting these certain people know what they're doing to me or they honestly just don't care one way or the other. I'm afraid to have that question answered. I really am.

PULP should have been printed and available a long time ago. No reason why not. The book along with posters etc. The book and the next as well. Other projects should have been started and finished. So much and so freakin' little.

Grrrrr It's nothing. Really, it's all just a big ol' sinkin' pile of nothing. Don't think about it. Don't worry. Do your best and deal with the fallout. I guess, on top of everything, I just wish I didn't have to keep watching my back. Or at the very least, I sure wish I were better at it. This is where I say "Such is life." So ... Such is life. I really do hate self-pity. Honestly. I know that this post would seem to prove the opposite but I do. It's useless. It's pathetic. Which I suppose is the purpose after all.

I swear that I DO want to be positive. I want to be happy and peaceful. Talking with people helps. I'm not sure why, but it does. Simple conversations. Just anything to pull my head out of the constant gloom and pressure. A peek at "the other side". Any other side will do. I'll take those peeks at happy and peace because it's nice to see, even if they're not my own.

Life kinda' sucks but I'm trying. Really. I. Am. I'd just love some actually good news as opposed to making the best out of bad. Besides, who knows what today will bring? This could be a fantastic, wonderful day that changes everything. I've seen my life changed negatively in an instant. The opposite is possible, right? I mean, it's only logical.

Right now I'm eating little Goldfish multi-colored crackers for lunch/dinner. That's positive, right? They're so cute and tasty, they've GOT to be a positive thing. (I'm TAKING it anyway!)