Manly mad in a girly way.
Well, it's been a few hours and I'm still in a "mood". I'd say that I'm sad but that sounds just too pathetic and girly. I'd rather be angry 'cause that sounds all manly and stuff but I'm not really angry, but more like sad which is, as I've already mentioned, too girly. Ah ... and stuff. So now whenever I say I'm mad it really means that I'm sad but not the girly, sissy kind of sad but the manly kind of sad like when Clint Eastwood is sad because someone shot his dog. That kind of sad.
I did what I said I was going to do. I think I said it. Anyway, I opened myself up to happiness. I got zip. I opened up my soul like a (sissy)flower so that I might have be filled with cosmic goodness. Instead I got nadda. Maybe I didn't do it right? I mean, if I had to pick one of us, me or God, to have screwed the whole thing up I'm guessing that we can all unanimously agree that it was most likely me. (I really can't spell. I mean, you should have seen how I slaughtered the word unanimously. Don't bother looking. You can't see because of the spell-checker-thingie.)
I feel like chewing glass. I feel like doing something destructive. Like I was seventeen again. Mad at the world and no one to take it out on but myself. Arrrrrrgh! That didn't help. I mean, I didn't really think it would because I didn't really yell. It was more of an Arrrrrgh on the computer screen typing kind of thing but I thought it might help anyway and it didn't. That's how my whole life works. (Yes. I am pathetic. At least right now(ish).) I feel like punching someone (Preferably much smaller than me.) but don't have anyone to punch. This seems to be holding me back (from the punch-thing). That and not wanting to go to jail. At least not for something stupid. Now that I think about it, I don't want to go to jail even for something profound. I wouldn't even want to go to jail for a good cause. Jail freaks me out. It's filled with waaay too many people and I'm suspecting that they aren't, by and large, no judgement being made, very nice. There's also the whole group showering and public pooping thing which just doesn't quite say "Good times!" to me. Nope. I'd rather be shot dead in the street. A traffic ticket? They wouldn't take me alive!
O. My. Gawsh. I want to relax. I still haven't given up hope for this to turn out to be a GREAT day. Really. Truly. Honestly. Of course, as the sun sets, I find myself a tad worried that it ain't gonna' happen but am bound and determined to remain strong and optimistic anyway. Really.
...
Shoot me now.
...
I need a "Man-Thing" comic book. Maybe a "Swamp-Thing". There really aren't enough horror hero comics, ya' know. Cool ones. Not stupid ones. All my books (novels, not comics) are leaving me empty. I NEED a GOOD freakin' book! Is that too much to ask? Don't answer. You'd probably just lie and tell me what you think I want to hear which is, truthfully, exactly what I'd prefer you do. Who needs the truth? More people should be lying to me. Seriously. I think that would be nice.
...
Have you noticed how bizarre the ads up at the top of the page are? I mean really. That's some strange stuff.
...
Someone just wished me a great night. They better not have been freakin' playing with me. I'm counting on that now. Proof positive that I'm gonna' have a great night. Life is going to be good. I know because a total stranger just wished it on me. Yes! I rock!
I did what I said I was going to do. I think I said it. Anyway, I opened myself up to happiness. I got zip. I opened up my soul like a (sissy)flower so that I might have be filled with cosmic goodness. Instead I got nadda. Maybe I didn't do it right? I mean, if I had to pick one of us, me or God, to have screwed the whole thing up I'm guessing that we can all unanimously agree that it was most likely me. (I really can't spell. I mean, you should have seen how I slaughtered the word unanimously. Don't bother looking. You can't see because of the spell-checker-thingie.)
I feel like chewing glass. I feel like doing something destructive. Like I was seventeen again. Mad at the world and no one to take it out on but myself. Arrrrrrgh! That didn't help. I mean, I didn't really think it would because I didn't really yell. It was more of an Arrrrrgh on the computer screen typing kind of thing but I thought it might help anyway and it didn't. That's how my whole life works. (Yes. I am pathetic. At least right now(ish).) I feel like punching someone (Preferably much smaller than me.) but don't have anyone to punch. This seems to be holding me back (from the punch-thing). That and not wanting to go to jail. At least not for something stupid. Now that I think about it, I don't want to go to jail even for something profound. I wouldn't even want to go to jail for a good cause. Jail freaks me out. It's filled with waaay too many people and I'm suspecting that they aren't, by and large, no judgement being made, very nice. There's also the whole group showering and public pooping thing which just doesn't quite say "Good times!" to me. Nope. I'd rather be shot dead in the street. A traffic ticket? They wouldn't take me alive!
O. My. Gawsh. I want to relax. I still haven't given up hope for this to turn out to be a GREAT day. Really. Truly. Honestly. Of course, as the sun sets, I find myself a tad worried that it ain't gonna' happen but am bound and determined to remain strong and optimistic anyway. Really.
...
Shoot me now.
...
I need a "Man-Thing" comic book. Maybe a "Swamp-Thing". There really aren't enough horror hero comics, ya' know. Cool ones. Not stupid ones. All my books (novels, not comics) are leaving me empty. I NEED a GOOD freakin' book! Is that too much to ask? Don't answer. You'd probably just lie and tell me what you think I want to hear which is, truthfully, exactly what I'd prefer you do. Who needs the truth? More people should be lying to me. Seriously. I think that would be nice.
...
Have you noticed how bizarre the ads up at the top of the page are? I mean really. That's some strange stuff.
...
Someone just wished me a great night. They better not have been freakin' playing with me. I'm counting on that now. Proof positive that I'm gonna' have a great night. Life is going to be good. I know because a total stranger just wished it on me. Yes! I rock!
posted by Mark A Lester at
6:44 PM
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