Sadists, masochists, exhibitionists and voyeurs.

We live in a strange world filled with strange people. I have to wonder (expect) that if we could see deep enough into everyone, we'd see things we'd never expect. I have to believe that everyone is, at their core, somewhat shocking.

Sadists and masochists. The "bad boy" syndrome. I'm always surprised to see how many people are dedicated to lives of masochism. They love to be abused. Even when they think they don't, their actions say they do. Odd, huh? It is to me. So often I see people complain about an abusive relationship be it romantic, family or friends or simply a cashier at some checkout counter. They complain about the abuse and then almost always return to the (so-called) abuser. Why is this? Is it simply a desire to please? To "win over" the abuser? The cruel, dismissive, controlling person? The masochist seeks out the sadist while the sadist feeds on the masochist.

So many times I have people come to me seeking reassurance. They want me to sooth their hurt feelings and lift their sagging self-esteem. They want a bit of kindness given to them after being hurt by the sadist only to return to the sadist soon after. Is this because the kind person is accepting while the sadist is not? A deep, almost twisted desire to be liked? At any and all cost? Who is to blame or is no one?

Personally, I consider myself neither a sadist or a masochist. I do not desire to cause another hurt or pain nor do I desire to be misused or abused. In both cases I see weakness and issues of control. The sadist desires to control the masochist while this very need causes them to be under the control of the one offering themselves as sacrifice; the masochist. The masochist desires to please the sadist and be controlled but at the same time passively seeks to conquer and control the sadist.

We live in a strange world.

Pornography has been called a victimless crime. Those who oppose this view would point to the misuse of those who are young, weak or in some difficulty. Stripping them of their innocence and dignity to satisfy one's own personal desires. This is a point of view I find myself agreeing with. A person in need, at desperate points, turns to desperate measures. They offer up the one thing they have to sell that others will buy. Themselves. We, as a world-wide society, will not feed the hungry, nor house the homeless. Not without payment. To say that pornography is a victimless crime requires a blind world-view. Victims of pornography abound, from those who produce, to those who purchase to the family and friends and the community as a whole. Pornography is a weakness. A symbol of loneliness, sadness, abuse and control.

Then there's the Internet. The place where we are allowed to see behind the masks we all wear. To see behind the drawn curtains of our friends and neighbours. What we find there leaves much in doubt. Not about the loneliness, sadness, abuse and control. These remain ever present and are even amplified by peeking behind the curtain and seeing people's secret selves. What changes is motivations and desires. Who is the victim and who the controller?

Before the Internet, if you had told me that the world was filled with voyeurs, I would not have been at all surprised. I believe that a certain amount of voyeurism is a natural part of the human condition. A desire to connect and be a part of a larger whole. Call it "people watching", most of us enjoy seeing life exist outside and around us. I'm an artist and have spent my life watching life and studying life, people and the human animal. I am endlessly fascinated by people.

What would have, and does, surprise me is the number of us who are exhibitionists. The vast number of us who desire to be seen in the most intimate of situations and to share to anyone who will view, our most intimate secret selves asking for nothing in return except to be seen and noticed. When one who desires so strongly to "be seen" is viewed by another who desires to "see", is this when pornography becomes a victimless crime many people say it is? Or are we feeding the symptom of a pain rather than curing it? Are those of us who desire to "be seen" truly desiring this or are what we are really seeking is to be cared for, noticed and loved? Are both exhibitionists and voyeurs seeking the same thing; to be connected? Connected to someone, anyone? Simply to not be alone?

We've created a world of glass walls where every one of us is on the outside looking in and in a very real sense very much alone.

Perhaps we are all, despite our vast differences, essentially the same? All sharing the same basic desires; to be loved, to feel connected and to not feel so alone. To be accepted as we are.

Everyone is the same. Everyone has secrets. Everyone tells lies. Most often, even to themselves.

Sadists, masochists, exhibitionists and voyeurs. We live in a strange world.